Who's Afraid of "Halloween Golf"?
For those of you who think that golf is dull,
here's a tale that may affect your view—
for on the fourteenth hole a human skull
was in the bunker where my golf ball flew.
Annoyed at messing up my three wood drive,
I mumbled cusses underneath my breath.
Thinking that I should have used my five,
I came upon this detritus of death.
I was not prepared for this macabre sight.
A sand trap hazard wasn't on my docket.
My ball had ended its haphazard flight
teed up upon the grinning skull's eye socket.
This may have been the evidence of crime,
but first I faced the challenge to my play.
Could I move the errant ball from this hard lie?
What guidance did the P.G.A. convey?
Doubting that the rules addressed this drama,
I focused on the way I had to swing,
on saving the skull from any trauma,
and on how to keep control of everything.
With care I moved my ball onto the sand.
So imagine if you can my great alarm
when I spied the bony fingers of a hand
connected to a fleshless bony arm.
I watched all this with growing cold dismay,
as a full length human skeleton appeared.
It stood and faced me on that eerie day.
I was completely unprepared and scared.
What happened next was truly unexpected.
It turned out there was nothing here to fear.
The day's events are easily recollected,
but I bet that you will think of them as queer.
Wondering what else might yet befall,
I watched as Mr. Bones picked up my wedge.
With perfect form he then addressed my ball,
and blasted it across the bunker's edge.
And then the ball soared high into the air,
much further than a wedge shot ought to fly.
The only thing that I could do was stare
as it arched a perfect golf shot in the sky.
It landed with a plop upon the green
and rolled into the hole without a pause.
Imagine if you can this bizarre scene
with only me to generate applause.
After this remarkable occurrence
the skeleton collapsed into the sand.
It was for me a serious deterrence
to any further play that I had planned.
There is a moral here I must bestow,
lest you think of my golf game as cursed.
The lesson that I want you all to know:
is…don't play golf October 31st.
Previously published in "Police Story, (And Other Spooky Story Poems)"
Copyright © 2013 by Robert Tell, All Rights reserved.
